he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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