i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
