Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
