If i come over, it means nothing
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there's paper in my vomit.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just googled if crying burns calories
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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