I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
