if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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