weddingsv make me drug and hornr
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
