The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
