I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
