What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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