Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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