It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
