Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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