"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
