I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize