Well apparently he's into motor boating.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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