That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
