I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
