oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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