I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
