just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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