We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
