you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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