im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
