did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
