I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
