i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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