I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
