i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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