you have to choose: penises or morals?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
