His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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