Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
