It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
