BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
