My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
