My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
