I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
