sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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