He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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