He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
