Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
