i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
