I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
