oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
