after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
