things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
