Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
