Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
