i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
