okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
