thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
