Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
