So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
