I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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