So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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