I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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