Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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