My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
