i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
