That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
