He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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