I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
