Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
