She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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