I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
