she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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