so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
